The Great Escape

Some of you may have noticed that I've been quiet lately.  There are so many reasons for that but that's something to discuss another day... The last few days I've been preparing myself for today.  Today is KB's birthday and I have been thinking about her a lot this past weekend.  Hot on the heels of our anniversary and Mother's Day today is just another day where my heart could feel lost because the person that I want to talk to, hold tight and kiss isn't here and won't ever be here again.  I've shared a lot of my feelings here and I thought that I had such a good handle on my feelings but as time goes by I have started to accept the fact that I have no control over my emotions and most days I feel more empty than anything else. But not today.  Today, like our anniversary, I feel an overwhelming feeling of love.  Even though she's not with me the love that I feel for her remains and I hope it never leaves.  It might seem strange to some and ther

At Christmas time K.B. and I would watch Love Actually.   If you've seen the movie you know that Liam Neeson's character has recently lost his wife and at the funeral he makes a joke that his wife had asked him to take Claudia Schiffer as his date.  If you've ever watched a movie with K.B. you have probably also had to pause the movie to have a discussion about something the characters were experiencing.  As a result, K.B. and I discussed the topic of dating in the event that one of us should die.  I didn't expect that I would ever actually be in this situation but life has a way of throwing you curve balls every once in a while.  So to people who have said things like, "I'm sure K.B. would want want you to carry on with your life." I can say that she most definitely did want me to have a life should she die before me.  She was very adamant that she did not want me trying to "have a relationship with a ghost" as she put it (that was from our di

Short and true. Thanks Robert Frost: Nature's first green is gold,  Her hardest hue to hold.  Her early leaf's a flower;  But only so an hour.  Then leaf subsides to leaf,  So Eden sank to grief,  So dawn goes down to day  Nothing gold can stay.

Last week I took a trip through Alberta and BC.  I wasn't on vacation but the opportunity to escape from my day to day was welcome.  Sometimes when I take these little trips I wonder if I'm running from something or running to something... or just running.  I'll figure that one out eventually. On my way back home I stopped in Waterton Lakes National Park.  Waterton is part of an International peace park and extends into the US with an incredibly vast number of trails and beautiful old, upside down mountains dotted with glacier lakes, streams and waterfalls.  I had always thought that it was one of the most beautiful places I had ever seen and felt so fortunate that it was a single day's car ride away from me. One of the gifts that KB and I received for our wedding was a night at a resort in Waterton where our friend Stephanie was working.  KB had never been to Waterton before but I knew she would love it and she did.  I wish I was able to take a picture of her that

This is something I wrote while I was surrounded by mountains and forests.  A fantastic thunder storm had rode through and in the quiet afterward I couldn't help but think of KB and think about how short life is regardless of how many years we have.  When love is in the mix one year or 100 years is never enough.  With love there is always pain but every second of suffering is worth it just to feel what it means to be loved and be able to love.  To be clear this isn't about sadness this is about giving yourself over to passion because when the moment that is life passes the last thing you want is to feel that you missed a chance to truly embrace your passion whatever it may be.  I realize that this probably won't make any sense to most people who read it and maybe that's because you are still in your moment and you still have a chance to give into passion. Standing in the rain and standing in that moment with no others before and no others to follow. A thousand clich

As I write this I am currently on vacation in BC on the Shuswaps.  If you've never been here I really recommend it.  It's very beautiful and even though it may not be the same kind of relaxing as a hike into the back country, just not having to worry about carrying my cell phone around with me is a major stress relief.  In fact, unplugging from the connected world for a day or two can be relaxing in itself regardless of where you are. This is an interesting trip for me.  This the type of trip that I would have taken with KB and last night she would have been so excited to see the lightning flash over the mountains and the thunder echoing throughout the valley.  Now, for me, that is an echo of her life and a reminder of the indelible imprint she left on mine.  As I write this I am surrounded by mountain and water. The sun is gently rising over the mountain peaks and spilling on the glassy water. I'm caught in the eddy of this moment. The world is still and I can't help b